.

 

My name is Milesion Kahn. Everyone calls me Miles.

I'm named after my grandfather. He died in the war as an archer when my dad was a boy, but I've been told that he was incredibly strong and wise.

I should be honored, but you have no idea how hard it is to compete with that kind of expectation.

I guess I've always been expected to do great things. Others flock to me for advice and help with things they know I'm good at. They call me the “nice guy” and the “smarty pants”.

My family is... I'll be honest. They're quite wealthy. I can't even count that high. (Well I can, but that's beyond the point)

So yes, I've also been considered as “the Rich Boy”.

So what's wrong with being the smart, nice, rich kid that everyone likes?

I guess because in all honesty, despite the fact that I knew a lot of people, I didn't know them well. Heck, outside of my family, there were very few individuals that knew me all that well at all.

Well. There was one. But she's gone now. At least according to her.

 

“I quit on being your friend.”

 

Just like that.

Okay.

Let me explain from the beginning.

 

When I was 3 years old, my dad had finally come back from a long journey that would seriously require another word doc to type about. I will leave that for another day.

Anyway, my birth mother died at well-- birth. My dad would never get into the details, but that doesn't matter. She was apparently nice, like all wives are I'm sure, but I never knew her.

After my dad returned from an entire year of travels, he came back with a woman I had only met once or twice, but she was to be my new step-mother. Her name is Euko. I know I was young then, but I still call her that, instead of mom.

My father also came back with enough money to buy out a country. I'm not sure what in the world they did together that was so important, but it was important enough to be recognized as a notable figure upon history, and so they were heavily rewarded for that deed.

My father did not want glamor or fame, however, so that is why he told me little of what had happened and found a nice place to settle down in and raise a family. It's all he ever wanted, after-all.

My dad and I are very much alike, in that we don't really want people to notice us. We just way to be content with what we have and the people around us who we love.

Yes, I do indeed realize how lame that sounds, but it's true.

 

So to get back on track with my indication of hurtful events of the past, when I was 3 years old, I met my best friend that would be in my life for 17 years.

You see, my father was friends with a family who was just starting out like ours was. Unfortunately, they were hurting for money. The father had just recently become unemployed, and they were in big trouble.

We had visited with them several times, and my dad was kind enough to help the father out with a job and some extra cash.

Then one day they brought their daughter over to interact with another kid-- me. Apparently she was extremely shy, and her parents were worried about her. She didn't respond well to anyone her own age.

I remember first seeing her. She looked so sad, and scared, grabbing onto her mother's pant leg.

I suppose I was just the opposite at that age. I was used to being alone and occupying myself when I was very young, due to my father being away, so I learned how to read and write and talk very clearly to strangers.

I had some candy I was eating at the time. I grabbed a pixie stick, walked right up to her, and handed her the treat. Apparently our parents were really surprised when she actually accepted it and went along with me to go color and read picture books. I don't remember. I just remember meeting my first friend and being happy to see her smile and not look so sad.

 

“I'm Miles, what's your name?”

“Hi Mi'ohs... Ahm Poppy...”

 

After that, we were attached at the hip.

Her father, Istoven, wound up moving his family into a house nearby to ours. Which, heck, was awesome! I just had my best friend move right next door!

Nonetheless, we became closer every day.

 

Every time one of our families took a trip or a vacation, they'd bring the other kid along. Often our families would just go together. We just could not have one without the other.

I became real close with Poppy's family. I'm not sure if it was the same feeling with Poppy though. When we were younger, Poppy was still shy with everyone besides me, so she didn't talk to my family. And when we were older, I think Poppy just felt like she had to be polite to my family. So they weren't as close.

It was the opposite with me and hers, though.

Istoven dubbed himself as my 'second dad', and her mom, Crimson, was also very sweet to me. Istoven and I would always have these funny little battles of witt. He'd always try to go around scaring me, or out-smarting me, but I was too quick for him and he just couldn't understand that I was unlike other children.

It was true, though. Everyone knew that I acted like an adult, even when I was a toddler. I was always ahead of my own age.

When I was younger, I was quite the adventurer. I loved to go outside and explore the plants and animals. Poppy would join me, always happy to explore with me.

 

When we became older, Poppy got a lot more outgoing, and I started keeping to myself more and more. It was kind of funny, considering I met her as a shy little girl who wouldn't let go of her parent's leg.

 

Poppy was basically everything I could never be. She was loud, I was quiet. She was artistic, I was mathematical. She was friendly, I was anti-social. She was spontaneous, I was a planner.

We complimented each other very well, almost to the point where it almost became weird that we were even friends at all.

That was especially so once we because teenagers. Poppy was, well, obviously an attractive young woman. She was perky, flirty, fun and adventurous. I don't think she realized how many guys were after her during those years.

She may have not been the brightest girl, but she had a good heart. Her only problem was that she would often talk before thinking, and get herself in trouble because of her emotions.

No matter how many friends Poppy made, though, she always fell back to me.

I knew how clingy Poppy was. I guess I enjoyed being there for her. To help her learn, and grow. I felt like I was being nurturing. It made me feel good to help her, the way my family had helped hers.

Sometimes, Poppy would act really defensive towards me, though. Even during the silliest of situations. Sometimes, even when it wasn't so cute and funny.

 

Ya know me and Poppy didn't get in many fights. Heck, we barely could consider any situation a “fight” at all. There would be misunderstandings, sure, but when I'd explain something to her, she would listen, and do her very best to do better later.

I helped her with school. She always had trouble with her homework, and I usually spent every other day helping her get through hers.

I helped her get her license, I helped her pick out a college, and even did her taxes for her.

 

Sometimes, I felt like I did too much for Poppy. That if ever I wasn't there for a time, she would be lost, and turn back into that scared, clueless child she was when I met her.

I blame myself for that. I blame myself for being there too much for her, even when she needed to learn for herself. Even when she was in so much trouble, even I was appalled, but I still cleaned up after her.

 

On the other side of the spectrum, though, she helped me as well.

She helped me branch out and come out of my comfort zone. She taught me how to be creative, and to be myself. At least around her.

 

I guess it was because I could actually let my tenseness go and just be myself around her, or that she seemed like the only individual on the planet who saw me truly for who I was. I guess it was a lot of things, but nonetheless, I slowly fell in love with her.

 

It was perfect. Nothing seemed happier then. The last year of high school was by far the best, because we were finally more than best friends.

 

Something you should know about me. I have a heart condition, and I have had it my entire life, since I was born. I have also had chronic nightmares, night terrors, my entire life. It slowly stemmed into insomnia during my teenage years, and resulted in me being very, very tired all the time. I suppose it's why I stopped being able to tolerate most people. I had a hard time accepting the world for its stupidity, and as I said before-- I am ahead of my maturity level. Sometimes I feel a lot older than anyone my own age. Wiser, if you will.

I'm not trying to sound cocky. That's just the way it felt.

I never told anyone about it. Not even Poppy. In fact, Poppy was reason I hid this feeling at all. Around her, I felt free from all that pressure. Like I could do anything, and worry of nothing.

 

During the time we started dating, I was actually able to sleep through the night. I still had nightmares, but they seemed to hold back like never before.

No medication, treatment, X-Ray or consolation could do for me what Poppy's love could. It sounds lame, but I believe that such a relief of stress was what helped me overall. The stresses of family, school, grades, work, expectations... they didn't bother me when I had something so nice to retreat to.

 

My nightmares started picking up again during the last months of high school.

 

I had settled on a college to go to. I was accepted. It was a proud time for me and my family was so excited.

However, there was one little problem. This college was half way across the country.

Poppy never liked the idea of me going away to college, of course. The idea of us being separated for a long period of time, well. It had just never happened before. Never. It was just going to be such a slap in the face when the time came.

 

Poppy's approach was to not talk about it at all. When I tried to talk about how we were going to keep in touch, or what fun things we could do on the internet, she would comment as if I were not really leaving.

 

Poppy wasn't going away from college. And everyone knew that. She was going to go to a community collage. A day college. There was a decent art school near our houses, so it suited her.

 

She tried so hard to come with me.

But it just didn't make sense for her to do that.

 

“I can find a school near you that I can go to too!”

“Poppy... we're out in the middle of a rain forest and there aren't any other schools around.”

“Well I can just get an apartment with you maybe and... I just find a job and be there with you.”

“I told you, I have to live in the dorm. It's part of my scholarship. And anyway, I can't tear you away from your art. You need to succeed too!”

 

It was hard, but when I finally started packing is when I think it finally sunk in for her. She cried a lot. She was very emotional, of course. But I just couldn't cry with her. I needed to move on with my life, and I knew I had to be mature and make the hard decision. I knew that our relationship, our friendship, would always be strong enough to last, even across the country.

I always think she resented me for that, though. For not giving her sympathy. For not sharing the same emotional attachment that she did to me.

 

Poppy was, more obviously into me, than I seemed to be into her. It's what it was, really. Poppy was, at times, obsessed with me.

She drew for me, talked to me every day, went out of her way to buy me things, always told me how much she loved me, treated me like I was the king of the world.

It was nice, I'll admit. But I did notice, from time to time, how she did not treat anyone else with such fantastical ambitiousness. It was always like that.

Sometimes her other friends would get mad at me, or annoyed that she only ever wanted to be with me. I was always her first choice. And that the way she treated me was leaps and bounds before everyone else in her life.

I guess I never noticed how bad it was.

I never noticed, until I was in their shoes.

 

She didn't treat anyone else BAD, per say, but with growing jealousy always surrounding us, it made me wonder if I coddled Poppy too much at times. If maybe, I should ween her off of me just a bit to learn more on her own.

 

College was going to be the perfect opportunity for this challenge, but I was worried. I was. And I was sad. I guess, I just couldn't bare to show it. How much I cared about her may not have been  as obvious as she made hers out to be, but I truly, and always will care for her. And that, is my biggest fault.

 

When I was about to leave at the airlines, Poppy and I hugged, we cried, we kissed, and we hugged and cried some more. I told her I'd be back, and when I was, we'd continue where we left off. She nodded, smiling with tears, and slowly let my hands go as I walked away.

I looked back at her, we smiled, trying not to cry. And then we ran back to each other for one more hug. I almost missed my plane.

 

That was the last time I ever remember truly being in love.

 

College was great. I was so distracted by all the fantastic things around me, that being away from Poppy, was more of a mild sadness than something that made me bawl every time I thought about it.

Unfortunately, it was the opposite for Poppy.

She was always so desperate to talk to me for hours a day, and I didn't have time to commit to those hours. I was too busy!

 

I was very fortunate to meet two very good friends at college as well.

Ren and Rika. Ren was very similar to me. He had even come from the same area as I had! Which was quite the coincidence. I was surprised I'd never met him before. He was a nice fellow. Very polite, but also very brash and headstrong. He loved sarcasm and made a lot of jokes. And much like me, his family was pretty rich. I hate to compare wealth, but this man's family was extremely well-to-do. He flaunted his money a little more than I did, but in a funny way. Still, he did have a habit of buying what he wanted, when he wanted, because well, he could.

I suppose I just never got into that habit. My father always taught me to find the best deals, no matter how much money made things more convenient.

 

Rika was a little lower on the money grid. Her parents were well-to-do, but they were also very hard on her, and made her pay for all her own things.

Heck, you pretty much HAVE to have rich parents or some kind of amazing scholarship to get into the college we were in.

Rika was a very well rounded girl. She was extremely smart, and careful of how she chose her words. But she also knew how to have fun and loved to be with friends. I suppose that's why the three of us became such good friends so fast.

 

I kept a close relationship with Poppy for the first half of college. She talked to Ren and Rika, and we had video chats and fun conversations all the time.

Ren was my roommate, and Rika would always come over to hang out with us and study since her roommate was unbearable.

 

I even helped Poppy save up a couple times for a plane ticket to come and visit me. She quickly became friends with Ren and Rika, and we all had a good time when Poppy visited.

I noticed later that she was less of a fan of Rika than she was of Ren. It was during the first winter, when I had to cram for tests and could barely find a day to chat with Poppy. I thought at first that Poppy was just irritated that she couldn't talk with me all the time anymore.

It was only until her best friend still in town called me. She told me she was concerned about Poppy, and basically told me that it wasn't fair that I was dating another girl and how I should break up with her first if that's really how I felt.

I was shocked. What? Where did Poppy get these assumptions??

 

When I tried to talk with Poppy, I was surprised at how jealous she sounded. She told me how she felt neglected and that I was spending far too much time with Rika. How unfair it was.

I was a little offended, and actually became defensive at such accusations.

I told Poppy to calm down and that I was just very busy, and that Rika and I were just friends.

After a while, Poppy did calm down. I know she was pretty close with Ren and talked to him about the situation a lot too. It was helpful because Ren would talk to me about it too and I would have a better understanding.

She never admitted that she had over-reacted though. And I knew that from then on, there was always tension between her and Rika. They were friends but, something was always a miss with Poppy. Like there was just something about her that she couldn't let go.

Rika didn't understand, and would sometimes get frustrated with Poppy's unreasonable jealousy towards her. But whenever they were together, Rika went out of her way to be nice and friendly to her.

 

After the first year of college, Ren moved out and left to go back home. College life didn't really suit him, and he could afford his own apartment near his parents, and found a pretty good company to work for. I was sad to see him leave, and my new roommate was not as good of company, but life went on.

I was a little more relived at the fact that finally, Poppy might actually settle down and relax, now that Ren was in town to hang out with. They always got along really well and it was a good thing for Poppy to branch out and not be so attached to me. I was happy about it.

 

Poppy would often tell me funny stories about her and Ren back at home. About her trouble at school, and how she really wanted to get out of her parents house. I didn't really understand why, since her parent's loved her and did a lot for her. Maybe her brother and dad were just driving her nuts. It's understandable. (I never understood how she lived with Istoven all those years, but maybe he just had an eye for giving me trouble in particular.)

She kept trying to make living plans with me for when I'd be out of college, but because I was only on my second year, I didn't really want to think about that yet.

Maybe that upset her, or the fact that we were simply growing apart. We tried, but long distant relationships are hard. All of a sudden it seemed like we had no common interests anymore. I still cared deeply for Poppy, of course, and I was happy that she wasn't being so clingy to me anymore-- she was doing things on her own finally. But, something always felt strange about it.

 

It seemed like Poppy just wouldn't listen to me anymore. Like every time I tried to help her, she tell me it was none of my business and that was that.

It didn't sound like <i>her</i>. The Poppy I knew. The Poppy I knew wasn't afraid to share anything with me. We were able to be ourselves around each other, and say anything at all.

 

What happened?

 

I guess this is when I began to get jealous.

It was no question that Poppy's friendship train became shifted from me, to our friend Ren. I could tell that he was helping her decide things, advice, tips, and just helping her in general. He'd drive her to school, even buy her things.

We used to make fun and he'd say, “Is it weird that I just bought this stuff for your girlfriend?” He'd laugh. I'd laugh. It was all harmless fun.

But when Poppy started getting more attached to him, I felt a little, well, left out!

Even after I visited for the summer after my second year, things were obviously off between me and Poppy. It looked the same, but Poppy just, she didn't have her whole heart into the moment like before.

 

It was that summer, when things changed suddenly, and drastically.

And sometimes.

I don't even know why.

 

Poppy had been blowing me off on get-togethers too many times to count. I was ovbiously getting a little irritated and confused. Why was she acting like she didn't care anymore?

I was also a little peeved at her for quitting school. She decided not to go back next year and yet she didn't have a job either, and couldn't even drive! I was so worried about her that it made me angry at how she was making such awful choices. Nothing I said could get through to her!

She was also hiding the fact that she had taken up smoking, which I couldn't stand. (I'm sensitive to the smell.)

I must've made it a bigger deal than most people, but it was a big deal to me.

I cared about Poppy, and hear she was changing into a completely different person. I tried to understand why, but she wouldn't talk to me!

Sometimes I feel like she talked to Ren more than she did to me.

 

One day, I couldn't take it anymore.

 

Poppy was going to stay over night and we were going to watch a movie and hang out.

Rika happened to be visiting at the time and was staying at my parent's house currently, so it was going to be the three of us hanging out together.

Ren unfortunately was working.

Poppy and Rika had had their differences in the past, but they were both being mature and were willing to come together and hang out.

I don't think Poppy quite understood that Rika was going to be there the whole time. Maybe she was just going along with the idea to please me? Maybe she thought we'd be having more alone time?

With all the time she was spending with Ren lately, I didn't think this idea would be much of a problem.

 

Unfortunately, I started to get very sick that night. My heart was acting up again, and I wasn't at my full strength to interact with the two girls.

By the time midnight rolled around, I needed to take some pills and go lay down.  I told Poppy and Rika to find something to do while I went and rested.

They agreed, and I went up to my room to calm down.

I was hoping that Poppy would come up. I longed for her company. It had been a hard couple of years in my condition without her nearby like before.

 

But she didn't come up.

Actually. I never heard her voice again.

 

Rika came up much later and when I asked where Poppy was, she told me she had called Ren to come and pick her up. That she wasn't feeling comfortable and needed to leave.

I was hurt and infuriated.

Instead of talking to me, seeing how I was, or even asking about the situation, she just left. 

Just like that.

 

That's when I snapped a little bit inside. Maybe out of sickness, or being so fed-up with her attitude lately, but I texted her this: “You are being a horribly inconsiderate friend lately, and it is becoming harder and harder to ignore that.”

 

I never got a response.

Ren called me later and told me she was crying to entire caride home from my text. He said I was being way too hurtful, and I told him that it was how I felt and that I just wanted to talk to her, not him.

Ren was being suddenly VERY defensive over Poppy. I didn't know where this was coming from, but I feared the worst.

I was still angry with Poppy, and didn't hear back from her for a week.

I was hoping that she would call me the next day, text me, message me, or contact me in some way to tell me how she felt, to work things out. Some kind of heart-to-heart I guess. We had just grown so out of touch lately.

 

But she never did.

 

Finally, I got tired of waiting for her and the awkward tension that had built around us and our friends.

I messaged her one day, asking to work things out.

She asked me if I were sorry. That's all she responded with.

I told her that I was sorry for sending that text and that it was bad timing.

“But are you sorry for what you SAID?”

I wasn't. It was the truth. I felt she had been an inconsiderate friend and partner, and that I was tired of it.

 

It was like talking to a brick wall.

All she had were complaints about me.

I tried to explain, or apologize, but nothing I said was good enough for her.

It was like she wanted me to bow down to her and admit that I was wrong in every way and that she was the only one who'd been hurt.

 

It didn't sound like Poppy.

 

Finally I told her that I didn't know what else to do. If nothing I said was good enough for her, than where were we to go?

 

“I quit on being your friend.”

 

And then I was blocked, ignored, and banned from any contact I had from her.

Ren never tried to contact me either.

 

Poppy had changed.

She'd found someone she liked better than me, and adapted to his personality instead.

 

….And that’s it.

 

That’s where it stopped.

 

I know everyone wanted to know what happened. My friends and family, and even Poppy’s family was curious and shocked.

 

But none of them ever wanted to talk to me about what happened.

I’m certain that Poppy had cried her tears of lies and deceit to them, led them to her side, bad mouthing me in every opportunity she could.

 

I know. I heard things.

 

I don’t know why no one wanted to talk to me about it.

Rika was still friends with them. Especially Ren. She felt awkward when she had to mention them. But she was a good friend and didn’t dismiss them just because they had hurt me.

 

I don’t know why Ren had to choose sides. I guess I didn’t know him as well as I had thought.

 

I guess… I didn’t know Poppy as well as I had thought.

 

Unless she had just changed that fast to the point where she didn’t care about me anymore. She never tried to contact me again. Never tried to talk things out, or make amends.

 

And here I was, too scared to approach them.

I say them, because it was impossible at that point to have one without the other. I felt teamed up on.

 

I just don’t know what happened.

 

I was angry, hurt, used and dismissed, all in one go.

 

Soon after, I had to drop out of school because of my grades and inability to focus.

Another setback that took a damper on my attitude.

 

Everything in my life was falling apart.

 

I thought of Poppy every day, wondering what in god’s name happened to us, and why? Why did I lose someone so special to me?

Was she trapped? Was she being controlled by Ren? Was this always how she really felt, and was just waiting for someone else to latch onto before she dropped me?

 

I’ll never know.

 

But now you know.

 

You know one half of a story.

 

But unfortunately, that’s all I can give you, because I’m only one half of Miles and Poppy. But one half doesn’t make up what has for so long been admired and loved.

 

So long.